The topic for today is 'letter writing'. From reading a couple of blogs already, it seems that this is a task that's brought up some real emotion and has even drew a few tears. Diabetes is such a huge part of our lives, I suppose it was bound to. Anyway, I hope to get to the end of this blog without as much as a whimper, but I'm not making any promises...
I know it hasn't been long since we last saw each other (only a matter of minutes actually) but I feel as though we need to talk. It feels as though you've been playing games for quite some time now, and I think it's about time we sorted out some unresolved issues.
First of all, I always meant to ask you, why did you leave me all those years ago? I woke up one morning and you were gone, without even so much as a goodbye! Yes, I know you came back...but you're not yourself anymore. You've changed your appearance and, if you don't mind me saying, I preferred the more 'natural you'. It's true; 'you don't know what you had until it's gone'.
Before you ask, no, this is not all about how you look. It's about the way you are! You're much higher-maintenance than you were before and sometimes I just don't feel like I can deal with you.
If you ask me, I think you're an attention-seeker. You're everywhere I turn these days! I go in my bag to get my purse and there you are. I go in the fridge and there you are again! That's not to mention your friends. Can you please tell Needles, Test-Strip and Monitor that they've annoyed me too? I know you can't help being on my repeat prescription, but I just wish you'd asked me for permission first before worming your way on to it.
Why do you have to be so cold, Insulin? No, really, I'm being serious! Sometimes I get so sick of catering for your needs (making sure you're in the fridge etc.) It's always you, you, you. I know that you need to be kept cool, but sometimes it's just not that easy. You know that you've got me right where you want me - I couldn't live without you. I remember the days when you were there for me readily and willingly, without me having to force you to be.
The worst thing about when you left, Insulin, is that I could have died! Do you even care? I lost so much weight and got so sick. Where were you when I needed you?
We have a love/hate relationship, you and I. I'm sorry that sometimes I've ignored you and neglected you, but I was full of resentment. I'm coming to terms with your new identity, and I admit that there are many times when you make me feel so much better in myself. Even though you're different now, your 'NovoRapid' persona has been my superhero in many times of emergency.
I know you'll never be the same as you were and I no longer feel as though you're a part of me. Still, I think there are some things that you should get your head around too. I've also changed because of this experience. I've become stronger and more responsible. You no longer control me, Insulin. You have no say in how 'present' you are in my life. Instead, I am in control of how much of you goes near me! I will change your needles, yes, but remember that I wear the trousers in this relationship!
I hope that now all of this is out in the open, we can finally begin to be nice to each other again. When I eat, I hope you will try your very hardest to break down the sugars and carbs so that I don't go hi. In return, I will never ignore you again. For all of our differences and regardless of the form that you now take, you are my best friend, for without you I wouldn't be here.